A beautiful wood stove!

Today we bought a beautiful wood stove! It is 24″x18″x40″. Which will fit perfectly in our bus! 

We are so excited about it. We found it in craigslist for $75. I can’t wait to lift it into its place. 

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I think I’ve reached a limit.

Today I read on a social media site a friend’s posting about how she has no friends at all. And that everyone is only thinking of themselves. This woman is someone I speak to everyday, almost. I have been “here” for her for the last few years, and I trust her to watch my children. I call on her when I am in need and I continually remind her that I am here for her also. This isn’t the first time I have read that kind of post from her. It hurts. Kinda makes me want to pull back. I know she is going through some rough times, always. But why claim to have no one? It’s like, what am I here doing?

Write like no one is reading your stuff anyway.

I have noticed that my blog has no regular visits from anyone. I don’t have a following. No one is reading my stuff! That is actually pretty neat. 

I am not writing so much for others, but for myself. I do want feedback, I enjoy hearing how others think or feel about something I’ve written. But this writing for me thing is actually pretty cool! I feel kinda free, like I will be able to look back at what I’ve done and be proud that I got it out, and no one else is the wiser. 

Now maybe I can spill my musings out here and not be afraid of my style, my tone, and least of all my spelling!

The leaves outside my client’s sliding glass door are a brilliant color yellow. There are flecks of orange, green, and brown throughout most of the leaves. There is a small breeze and the branches look to be floating, as the sun shines only for this tree in their back yard. I can hear the wind chimes tinkle and the far off highway, I’m so glad to have found my favorite sweater this morning. 

Our tiny home sweet home

Last April, my partner and I decided to buy a school bus and convert it into a tiny home. We planned to do this over several months while living in a house, but as life is ever-changing we bought the bus in time to move out of our rented house and into the bus. 

The 25ft 1987 international school bus we purchased was previously converted by what looked like two separate people at different times. The front half looked to be taken from a 1950’s camper. The bunk was full sized and the bathroom was scary. There was also three feet of storage space in the back.

I think all that remains of that conversion is a small part of the cupboards. And even that is going to be replaced in time.

We started out by tearing almost everything out. We salvaged some of the lumber and screws, but most of it went to the dump. 

Since we had to move in so quickly, it’s been a huge process getting things done. Most of our belongings are in storage. It’s nice, but also since its out of sight, it’s not being dealt with. I am trying to downsize and simplify our lives. We want to buy land and grow a huge garden. 

So now that we have been living in the kaos for almost six months now, it actually looks like we are moving in the right direction! We also have children and that makes remodeling even more interesting! I’m very thankful for their patience. I plan to share pictures and our progress soon. It’s more to document things for our loved ones, but also ourselves. 

More to come!

Today I came to the reoccurring realization that I lack trust in others. I envision treachery and abandonment. I ride a roller coaster of emotions as I fight my inner feelings of mistrust, just trying to build strong lasting friendship with others. 

I want to reveal who I am on the inside and be accepted. Very few people know my deepest darkest secrets. I am afraid to let those skeletons out, though when I have I am received with real understanding, continual love. So why do I hold back? 

As I take a step forward in my life and try to realign with my goals, I want to be open to the possibilities of what is coming. Maybe when I accept my past I can truly help others. 

I am trying

My friends are moving.

I am not generally a needy person. I tend to seperate  myself from my friends at times. It’s not that I don’t need them, or that I don’t want them in my life. It’s just that I am a bit of a home body and like sticking to my routine. It’s part of who I am. I have enjoyed those times when life is busy and social, but I cling to my solace. 

Now that my friends have been moving on, or moving away, I find myself missing them a whole lot. I do have some people close to me that have not lived close to me for some time, but somehow that works for us. We come together and really enjoy the heck out of our visits. I hope the friends that are moving or have moved away are able to share in those kind of experiences with me still. 

I think I might be a little sad. But at the same time I am super excited about  the adventures they are on, or are about to be on. I feel so blessed to have known such amazing people in my lifetime. I keep memories of our talks and fun times floating around in my head and that makes me happy. 

Eggshells Forever Underfoot (second go)

For me, there comes a time when you don’t want to keep walking lightly anymore.

I make mistakes, many of them. I can be insensitive. What I say and do drastically effects others and I need to be mindful of how I behave. Intention means nothing to some.

I fail to see how my apology isn’t worth much, or how someone else can know me so well, that they know my heart and don’t consider it? I think they don’t really know me. I am so tired of watching my steps. 

I forget myself, is that right? Or is it that I am who I am, just like any other person. I make mistakes, I need love and understanding. At least half as much as I give? 

I don’t lash out when I have been wronged, or point out others flaws that make it seem like they are wrong, or different. 

One little crack, I hear it too late. Now I am left scraping myself off the floor, trying to remember that I am worthy, I am kind and giving. I make mistakes, it’s a part of living and growing. I remind myself that one person’s opinion doesn’t equate who I am, nor what everyone else thinks.

I make mistakes.

(One such mistake is trying to post this while being outside of wifi range, it deletes the whole thing. Rewriting a heartfelt thing with the same tone, no fun.)